i currently have 27 dogs 26 of my own and a return named mo , a mixture of st bernards and newfoundlands , young and not so young
Mo will leave when the time is right.
Diesel and destiny are both the oldest aged 9
Bobo ,dream and dave are no longer young
And several are heading into no longer being young
All are currently healthy, but tomorrow is never a given
Tomorrow may never come for one of them
Ive lost more than one persons share of dogs over the years , i have more too
My heart still breaks with every loss
Some dogs have been gone for years but so what?
I should be used to death, its part of breeding, it happens ..........
But im not
Today I expressed my thoughts with a friend that a mutual friends dog is going to die.soon. Very soon.
I was utterly gobsmacked at the reply which rounded up , was , shes lost dogs and should be used to it as should i .
No one gets used to death . No one!? Surely ?
I still feel robbed for dora dying so young, her empty spot at crufts haunts me we should have trodden that green carpet together. As earned!
I still feel utter pain at the loss of daisy, my slice of heaven , my daughters middle name.
I still feel the loss of dexters big bark and scary sounds , yet so very gentle with a hard boiled egg
I can still see dasher, homer daphne and deedee the day they were born.....
I see nelson who i sold, but never forgot. The cutest puppy ive ever produced
Onslow who died long before he should have retired from showing.... he deserved a champion title
amber who was stolen by cancer the same day dexter was stolen by bloat
Little annie who was ripped from her owners at such a tiny age.
I see fat drew, with her beautiful eyes and splashy coat , i see her in her daughter who runs about like a bittersweet ghost like reminder
I see dory in multiple children, especially when photos of denver appear on facebook , what a boy!!!!
I see them all, I remember them all, they were never just a pedigree on paper , never sold and forgotten, never bred then rehomed, they were real people, my people. Mine my family.
So if your ever unsure what to say to someone who lost their dog, say nothing, because that's much better than saying the wrong thing .
And if you buy a dog, let the breeder know they died, any good breeder will remember them. All of them. If only snippets of each , its utterly hideous to spot a dog you bred has died via your newfeed on facebook and not be pre warned or told in a gentle way
And dont for one minute think breeders dont feel sadness , i go through puppies with my girls, huge emotional times that bond unlike anything else . i catch each puppy and feel every first breath taken .
ive sobbed over a bowl of food ive made for a dog that passed the day before
ive sobbed in the shower while the children cant hear me knowing i have to make that call
ive sobbed as my children called me a murderer and the vet putting darcey to sleep a murderer because they were too young to understand there was no choice.
I feel everything. when i dont ill no longer have any dogs .....
Every last heart shattering thing.
i feel it